Archive for June, 2009

The Singleton’s Field Guide to STD’s

by Joshua Goldman, MD, MBA | goldman@myhousecallmd.com

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Nobody likes STD’s but they remain an unfortunate facet of our society.  Urban legends and horror stories find their way through offices and classrooms, terrifying every sexually active creature they come across.  We’re here to provide you with good old fashioned truth about the plethora of zoology that pillages our sex lives.  What follows is a field guide for every singleton braving the world of sexual relations.  The first article in this 4 part series outlines the spectrum of symptoms you may unfortunately wake up with one morning (at which point you freak out, run to theFeet in Bed computer and try to figure out what it is).  This symptom break down should give you a launching point in your STD investigation…followed shortly by a trip to the doctor for your prescription de jure.  Our recommendation?  Follow the sage-like words of VanWilder, “Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.”

A Symptomatic Break Down for STD Panic Sessions:

If…

it Burns when you pee

  • Chlamydia

  • Gonorrhea


it Itches

  • Scabies

    Scabies

    Yeast infection (ladies only)

  • Trichomonas

  • Herpes Simplex Virus

  • Scabies

  • Pubic Lice

you have a Rash/Bumps

  • Red bumps, watery blisters, or open sores – Herpes Simplex Virus

  • Flesh-colored bumps – Genital Warts (caused by HPV)

  • Herpes Simplex 2

    Herpes Simplex Virus 2

    Boil which turns into an ulcer – Chancroid

  • Red, irritated bumps that spread – Scabies

it Smells

  • Strong Fishy Odor – Bacterial Vaginosis

  • Plain Awful – Trichomonas

you have Discharge

  • Yellow-green (smells fishy) – Bacterial Vaginosis

  • Frothy, thin, grey-white or yellow – Trichomonas

  • Thick, white cottage cheese-like – Yeast Infection

  • Colorless, odorless – Chlamydia

    Syphilis

    Syphilis

you have an Open Sore:

  • Herpes Simplex Virus

  • Syphilis

  • Chancroid

Now go see your doctor…you need of some professional medical advice!

14

06 2009

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